Hurt.

Blinking away tears.
Body screaming.
Heart sobbing.
Emotions running wild.
Having your shit together all the time is extremely draining.  Being always 100%.  Showing that nothing can ever bring your spirit down is impossible.  Emotionally exhausted from one thing after the next.  I don’t know how much longer I can take.
Sleep deprived.
Feeling restless.
No “me” time.
Voice unheard.
Feeling like you are so lowly, not worth it, invisible . . .is such a lonely and depressing feeling.
My escape is weeks away.  I can taste the freedom.
I’m looking forward to the future, but it’s the “today” that worries me.  Am I going to survive?  Am I going to break down the wall that is inconveniently in my path?
I don’t matter.  My voice means nothing.  No one cares.
This environment I am in is hindering my changing persona.  The factors of real people that surrounds me is suppressing the change itself.
What can I do to make them stop and listen?  To see the real me?  To understand that it’s them causing my unhappiness? What will it take for them to care?

Here is the wrong thought: but it’s a thought nonetheless: I’m already invisible, what’s the point of being alive to see first-hand that they treat you as an invisible no one?

Oh, how I yearn for that day.  The day I finally have the guts to leave a former safe place that doesn’t see, understand, or hear me.

Today, I am hurt.  Tomorrow, it will mend.  One day, I’ll have my happily ever after.  And I’m looking forward to it.

rebeccanne