It’s easy to get overwhelmed when planning for a baby, especially when the weeks are dwindling down and the countdown timer has begun. Then add an anxious person into the mix and it’s even easier to drown.
Honestly, I feel like I have been suffocating periodically with very little support. And my worrying has been reaching higher levels more than normal. Maybe that’s motherhood in a nutshell.
It’s important to keep up with your mental and emotional health routine throughout this time. Which admittedly, I have been thoroughly lacking in since I found out about my pregnancy.
I’m 27 weeks, going on 28 weeks and time is approaching faster than I imagined. It’s been a long time, and now it kinda feels more like a waiting game, even though I still have about 10 weeks left.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m on blood thinners because I had a pulmonary embolism (PE aka blood clot in my lung) in 2014, which led to the discovery of an abnormality in my blood, called antiphospholipid syndrome, meaning I’m at a higher risk for blood clots during pregnancy and any prolonged bed rest events like recovering from surgery. That’s why I’m on blood thinners. Then to top it all off because of all this, it’s also a higher risk for stillbirth upon reaching 40 weeks and beyond, so here’s me hoping baby girl makes her debut at week 37-39. If she doesn’t arrive by week 39, then I will be induced. Here’s hoping baby is ready by week 38, hence the reason, I have about 10 weeks left.
Whew! That alone is stressful. Having a timeline is stressful. Am I going to get everything done by the time we have our baby? Let’s not forget about finances–I have not been working at all since I got pregnant. I was too sick to work during the first trimester and too pregnant to work normal print work, but not pregnant enough to pick up those maternity jobs and now I feel like it’s moot point at this rate, which also means I will have no upcoming income on my side until I choose to go back to modeling (if I even choose to return) and will rely heavily on my husband and our single income.
However, all I wanna do right now is buy organizers and turn my house into a Home Edit sanctuary.
Realistically speaking, spending money on organizers, although therapeutic, is actually counterproductive, like I could be utilizing those funds on baby things and stocking up on supplies and getting my postpartum kit together. But instead I’m over here like half-a**ing the whole Marie Kondo experience. I justified my organizers by implementing the tools I found from Kathryn’s Do it on a Dime on YouTube and getting most of my stuff from either Amazon or the Dollar Tree or Menards (can I get a high five on those rebates?!)
The more I write, the more I realize how counterproductive I currently am. I’m getting revved up on all the stuff I need to do for baby when I just calmed myself down with exercises, stretches, and breathing techniques just moments before I sat down to write this.
The problem is I haven’t healthily detached myself from baby prep. Being in the thick of it all isn’t helping me find my balance. So just like how my husband is able to get out of the house for work and not think about house-life, I need something for me. So blogging it is and working on my novel too. Both of which have been helpful to create distance from whatever stresses weighing me down from baby prepping. (Even though, this post and most of my future posts revolve around babies now, this is my way of journaling through it, getting out of my head and word-vomiting all over the page.)
To end on a positive note, there have been some good moments, like yesterday for example, even though acid reflux was absurd due to my own lack of stopping when full, I gazed at my bump with appreciation, gratitude, and awe. It’s still amazes both my husband and I that we created life and she’s thriving inside of me.
Can’t wait for these 10 weeks to fly by so I can finally meet her. I just gotta “survive” long enough till then. And then we’ll face a whole new set of challenges once baby is earth side. But I’ll save my anxiety for that for another day.
❤ rebeccanne
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