When…

I wrote this poem in January of 2007, when the troubles in my life began.  I feel as if many people had a time in their lives that felt like this, and hope no one ever feels like this again or ever, so I’d like to share these feelings with you.

When life falls apart, where do you turn?
When dreams fade away, how can you find your way home?
When the door shuts, who comforts you?
When fear defeats hope, what’s next?
When no one’s around, who is the one who sweeps you off your feet?
When you feel lonely, who’s there to care?
When reality hits you, who’s there with you for the journey?

With any kind of depression, it’s hard to get back on your feet.  You need a really good support system from both family and friends.  This is my truth.  It is an ongoing struggle, but finding help to work through the pain and uncertainty in my life is what helps me get through the day.  Talking through it, breaking it apart is making me stronger and giving me a sense of clarity.  Writing will always be my best therapy and sharing my feelings to a brunch of strangers who don’t even know me is somewhat….helping.  It’s strange, but it’s honest. And I thank you, whoever you are, for reading this.

Depression is the kind of subject that you cannot take lightly.  It’s something you have to tend to carefully.  You can’t put the blame on others or yourself for someone’s depression.  Nobody chooses to feel this way. It’s a battle within.  It’s a constant struggle to be fighting with yourself to live.  And for most people, they find that death is an option.  A grand escape to solve everything.  Which, in reality, is not.  I know this and understand this, but the battle is still in progress.  This is my truth.  This is my confession.  It’s a feeling I wish I don’t have to struggle with.  It’s a pain I wish I didn’t have.

If you are struggling yourself, I suggest you find a good support system, plus find some help.  Talking to a complete stranger was terrifying at first, but I put it off for seven years.  It’s not healthy to keep everything bottled up inside.  At some point, you will break and it will not be pretty.  It’s even worse to keep those dark feelings inside, it’s not helping your physical and mental well-being, especially if you are trying to enjoy life and make a change in yourself for the better.  Talking through your issues will help.  You just need to be all in and believe in yourself that you can lead a better and healthier life.

If you know someone who is struggling or unsure, remember being sad is one thing, but depression is dangerous – they may have a really good mask.  I wore mine for seven years and mastered the fake happy-go-lucky act, I even fooled myself for a while until I hit the curb.  Maybe one day I’ll share my full story, but for now, depression is a serious matter… so, I thought it would be good to share this. Maybe to help others?

But, no really, if you happen to know someone who is, have patience with them.  Their mind is so fragile and mood imbalanced.  It’s best to keep an open mind and remain calm.  Try not to say anything that will upset them, which is difficult to do because in a mind of someone who is depressed, it’s also a matter of how you say things or word things that could offend them.

Anyway, that’s it for now.  Hopefully, I helped you out a little.  For those who have overcame their struggles, what has helped you?

rebeccanne