Life’s Not Done

Hilong time no seeI know it’s beenages since youlast saw me.Since you lastheard from me, sinceI lastspoke of this - this darknessyep, the very same, the one that makes merun ‘n hidefrom fear, fromchaos, frominconceivable pain,not the physical kindnot only the physical kindthe withering, the overwhelming, thetorturous ghost that'salways been, yet seems tonever go awaythe emotional, the heartbreakingly,... Continue Reading →

I AM NOT OKAY

And that's okay. I haven't really been myself for over a month now. Or maybe this has been going on much longer than I realized. Either way, I'm here to say, I'm alive and I'm working on it. Depression is a finicky thing. Not all days are bad, some are not so bad, some are... Continue Reading →

Stuck Inside

It's not because the threat of COVID19 It's not because I'm a natural hermit, a homebody I'm not unable It's not like I don't know how It's because I'm frozen. I'm stuck inside trapped I don't know how to escape from the maze of my own mind my own brain is working against my own... Continue Reading →

Lost & Found

How can one be both at the same time?  Given my current situation, I'd say, it is quite possible. I keep cycling back.  It’s like I’m stuck in some kind of time loop.  I created a new draft to post, but I realized I’ve been a bit redundant.  I’ve been in the same set of... Continue Reading →

Present (3/6 Excerpt from Beyond the Cover)

Beyond the Cover IntroductionPast (1/6) - optionalNuts for Coco (2/6) February 2011 I realized something today.  Something very important about my life. I’m living.  But I’m not really alive.  I seem happy.  People see me smiling, laughing, and making jokes.  But can’t you see?  It’s a mask.  I am not okay.  I’m floating in and out... Continue Reading →

Dear World

Dear World, I feel utterly and tragically lost.  I feel the world crashing down on me and crushing me whole.  Gnawing at me.  Pushing me down.  Taking my feet and dragging me.  Throwing me around.  I feel like I am dying inside and I have lost myself.  I feel like I’ve lost me.  I’ve lost... Continue Reading →

Food. Pain. Me.

When I eat good, I feel good.  When I eat poor, I feel poor.  Why do I put myself in situations like that just for a small window of instant gratification? Every time I think about my relationship to food, I think of that one Weight Watchers commercial a few years back.  Hilarious, yet so... Continue Reading →

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