There’s no place to hide.
Running isn’t an option.
The plate is fully loaded.
Too much weight to carry.
I can’t deal.
My individual pain,
My own problems are pushed.
I cannot take it anymore.
It’s not about me.
Weakening, that I am.
I’ve got too much on my plate.
I’m spreading myself too thin.
I’m under too deep.
I’m drowning, but no one can ever see.
I’m drowning, but no one should ever carry my burden.
I’m drowning, but no one can ever know the truth.
Everything is delayed.
They need me to be brave, be strong, be stable.
I’m screaming on the inside. numb.
out of my body experience.
I’m . . . bleeding . . .
tearing my insides apart.
Every part of me can feel it.
The treacherous agony. The choking of the air. The engulfing of the many sorrows that trap me. I’m drowning, and all you hear is silence.
I don’t know anymore.
I don’t know if I have the courage.
I don’t know if I have the strength.
I don’t know if I have the stability.
I don’t know if I have the power to be the rock that is so desired.
Holding in my own individual pain. Trying to live life the best way I know how. Trying to live one day at a time. Trying to be the very best person I can be. Trying and trying, but always so close, always so untouchable.
All around me, I hear the cries.
All around me, I feel the defeat.
All around me, I absorb all the sadness.
All around me, I carry everyone’s burdens.
All around me, I collect the pain of others.
All around me, I see the sorrows in their eyes.
All around me, it’s happening and I’m the one that fights to be strong.
I fight because they can’t.
I fight because I don’t want to live a life they’ve lived.
I fight because I’m needed to be brave, be strong, and be stable.
I don’t know if I can do it, God, I don’t know if I can do it.
rebeccanne, feeling defeated.