The line is busy. Sorry I haven’t picked up. I’m not ignoring you. I’m not quitting on you. I’m just making excuses. I woke up now and can see what I have been doing. It’s not like I don’t have the time….. it’s more like I don’t even make time for the things that I want to do, the things that I love to do. I’ve pushed it aside. Neglected it, even. I got carried away with my new life. I put all my attention on one thing instead of completing the circle of the things I love to do. I have to remember. I have to fall back on my roots again. Do you remember the feeling? Do you remember your own motto? Life’s too short to be standing on the sidelines. Take this life and do something amazing with it.
I am. I’m doing something amazing. But is it the amazing that I wanted? The glass is only half full. I’ve never stopped dreaming….yearning to better myself.. I take things day by day. I move forward, leaving the past as the past. Learning from the mistakes and creating a better version of self. I don’t want to neglect the one thing that gives me the most clarity. Writing is a passageway to keep me grounded. Writing is the one thing that allows me to be all of me, to show the real me. Forget the sparkle of social media, writing is my truth. I’m vulnerable for all to see, but writing is my reality.
Next week is March already, it’s been two full months without writing and I feel the guilt that comes with it. I did this to myself, though. I haven’t made time for myself to sit down and write like I wanted to. But no more, I’m going to try my best to make time for this. Writing has been my rock for the past 8 years, why did I stop? Well, I guess there has always been some sort of patch every now and then that I’ve completely stopped writing. It’s that never ending cycle, once again.
The life I’ve created for myself is growing rapidly. Remember how I was last year? I wanted to take things step by step. I was expecting to move like a tortoise, but instead my career in modeling skyrocketed to new heights I never thought were possible. I’m in Thailand now. I’ve been here for almost 2 months and I have 1 1/2 months left to go before returning to the states. This modeling life still feels surreal to me. I cannot believe I have gone international for modeling. It was scary at first, but now that the uncertainty became a routine, I really wouldn’t trade it for anything else. This is the kind of life I enjoy, this is the kind of life I am willing to pursue. I’ve always been a family person, but I’m perfectly satisfied being close to home, away from home. This is the truth I’ve come to know, I’ve grown to love. This is my first model placement, so I cannot speak for what the future brings. All I know is, this is an interesting life and I want to continue as long as the passion is there.
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