i. am. NOT. a. failure.

I am not quitting.  I am not giving up.  I am definitely, utterly, entirely NOT a failure.

Throughout the one and a half years of my journey as a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant, I have learned a lot about the company, how to run a business, how to manage my time and money, how the Mary Kay process works, how to take care of my skin and put makeup on and teach others to do so, while learning a lot about myself, what I love to do vs. what I hate, what I’m good at  vs. what I need to work on.  There’s a lot a things that being in Mary Kay has taught me: in business and in my own personal life.  Although, in many circumstances, I am still a bit shy, I can occasionally come out of my comfort zone and talk to people.  I have gained a lot of confidence in myself in my actions and my words. There’s a lot that Mary Kay has done to help me personally grow, and I’m thankful for that every day.

I don’t regret doing Mary Kay.  If I had to do it all again, knowing what I know now, I would do it again.  In a different way. Knowing what I know now, I would start as somebody’s assistant and learn the ropes before taking it head-on without knowing what I’m doing.  I would start small and slowly rise.  Maybe my journey would’ve been simpler, an easy ride? Who knows?  If I had done things differently, I know I would eventually stop selling Mary Kay.  Not because it didn’t work for me. Not because I failed at it.  Not because I’m a quitter.  Why then?  I know deep down from the time I first started ‘till now that I have other passions that I want to pursue.  Back then, it was just a dream.  A fantasy.  Now, it’s time for me to focus on achieving that dream.  And I cannot do that with product on my shelf that needs to be sold. I tried doing it all,  working like superwoman, getting it all done, but pushing my real dreams farther and farther and crashing because of my physical exhaustion and lack of motivation to keep going.  It’s not easy to have a full time job, trying to pursue all these dreams, and doing Mary Kay part time.  Trying to be on top of the world, is not what it’s talked up to be.  It’s exhausting and mentally draining.  If I wasn’t trying to be a model or a writer, I would probably find a lot of success in the Mary Kay industry.  But the likelihood of pushing my dreams aside to do something I don’t have a huge passion for is unlikely.

I love Mary Kay. Love the products. My Mary Kay family.  And I will continue to use Mary Kay and attend the guest event meetings because I LOVE being the customer! Sure, there are perks at being a consultant, but for me the biggest perk is being a customer! 🙂

So, that being said, I have been thinking about stopping Mary Kay for quite some time now, just didn’t know the best way to it without selling it back to the corporation and forever being shunned by them and never having the chance of being a consultant again. After contemplating about it for months, I have decided, my time is worth a lot more than having these silly contemplations.  I know what I want to do and I don’t want to push it off any longer because of this “thing” that is holding me back from it.  I thought and thought and thought ‘till the headaches lasted for days at a time, ‘till my heart hurt because I didn’t want to be known as a quitter in the eyes of my Mary Kay family.  I kept thinking and over-thinking because of my sister, who happens to be my recruiter, who needs me more on her team than a customer. But, I am exhausted from thinking and over-thinking.  I am okay with knowing that I’ll never be able to be a consultant again because in the future I see myself promoting Mary Kay in ads versus selling it to make a living.  I see myself doing something I love passionately throughout my whole body than just my head telling me this is a job to get done.

Wish me luck, I’m going to need it.

rebeccanne