The dreaded “Who am I?” question.
I am turning 30 this year. I know, unbelievable, people still assume I’m like 18. Good genes, I guess. Thanks Mom & Dad.
But still, this question really irks me. I mean, I know I’ve really struggled in the past about my identity. Heck, I still find myself struggling today. But dang, that question really does put me in a hole.
I’m grateful for all the positive feedback I received from my first vlog. The praise I got just from posting something I felt so vulnerable and anxious about at the time was unbelievable. I couldn’t imagine anything better than the amount of good that came out of it. I was shocked. And I definitely felt the love from all the supporters out there encouraging me. It was uplifting, inspiring, and motivating. It gave me a kick to carry on. But then, the question came and I sunk a little.
This is a question I often ponder for myself. But, when another person brings it up, I can’t help, but feel judged. I just got through a Model Bible Study meeting on zoom and today’s topic was Judgement. So it really felt close to home. I often don’t speak my mind because I feel judged. The only times where I feel completely free is when I’m blogging, journaling for myself, and surprisingly – I mean, after I get over the initial anxiety of posting a vlog – I feel free. I feel safe. When I’m creating content for my vlogs, I’m all alone, I’m in my safe zone, but in group meetings, social outings, or being around people I’m not super familiar with, that really puts me in an unsafe space and mindset. Which I’m trying to overcome. I admitted in the group that I don’t partake so much because I honestly feel like I’m going to be judged with whatever I say. I’m glad to be able to surround myself with forgiving people and people who encourage you rather than take you down.
Anyways, “Who are you” is my kryptonite. It definitely weakens me. But, I’m working on strengthening myself to not let a simple question affect me so. My second vlog touches base on this question and answers the next dreaded question, “What’s your vlog about?”
Honestly, it’s all about my journey. I’m just trying my best to move forward and take each day as it comes. I’m not perfect, nor am I trying to be perfect. Which is funny because I can be a perfectionist at times, but nothing is ever perfect.
So if you happen to want to watch my second vlog posting, you can do so . . . here
until next time, rebeccanne
P.S. I totally should’ve posted this about 2 weeks ago when I wrote it, but completely forgot! I am totally amazing at this whole consistency thing, aren’t I? LOL
Hope everyone is doing swell and hanging in there. What a crazy time to be alive!