My Quarantined Life

Hello WordPress World,

How are you?  How’s your family, your friends, every person you care for in this world? It’s such a crazy time.  What have you been doing to pass the time? I hope all is well. You’re all are staying healthy, staying indoors if you can, washing your hands regularly, wearing masks when you go out, and taking this Coronavirus seriously. 

It’s kinda insane to call this my new normal.  My husband got laid off.  He was a sous chef downtown Chicago. You’d think restaurants would be a safe job.  I mean food is a necessity, but going out to eat in a crowded place is a no-no, especially with Rona floating from human to human waiting for another host to infect and turn their life inside out and upside down . . . or whatever . . .

So both of us are living that unemployed shelter-in-place kinda life. We’re staying inside for the most part. Taking a few walks when the sun’s out and the weather is warm.  I guess it’s nice.  Spending quality time with my husband does wonders for my love tank. But still . . . Sometimes I just want to hear myself think, not some yelling and cursing at some current video game he’s playing. That’s why mornings are really nice.  While he’s sleeping, I have my temporary peace and quiet for the day.

I don’t mean to complain.  There’s so much more pressing problems than being annoyed at my husband’s loud cursing echoing through the house.  I’m lucky I even have a house to live in.  Imagine us still in our apartment in Edgewater, Chicago. Great spot. Good food options (although, I don’t know about now, the restaurant industry is getting hit real hard from this). And crappy apartment. We got lucky that someone wanted to move in before our lease ended at the end of March. Shit hit the fan mid March. It’s been a month of living in a house when the shelter in place order came to be and his restaurant/boutique hotel shut down. And now it’s been 2 whole months of us living out in the burbs, in a 3 bedroom house with a really nice view of a backyard and friendly neighbors. We’re lucky and I’m so grateful, even though it doesn’t seem like it sometimes.

Before I grew to accept this as my new normal, of course, I had a few panic attacks. I freaked out. I was like, “oh no, what are we going to do for money?”, “what about our future?”, “what’s going to happen to us after this?”, “Am I going to have to hunt for just any job to make ends meet now?” “Crap, I gotta find work!”  I would spend hours hunting down some online jobs.  But I’m a skeptical person, and I can’t afford to fall into some sort of trap. So I stopped.  Focused on what’s more important.

But then . . .

It’s even crazier to think that with all this time that freed up my schedule, I’m still not managing my time the way I need to be.  Sure, I know, not every day has to be a productive day, but if you are working towards a goal, every day matters. I honestly haven’t written in my novel for MONTHS! And I’m feeling pretty guilty about it. Especially with all this time on our hands, I should be utilizing this time and taking advantage of how much free time I have to sit down and write. Instead, I’m delegating all my energy into vlogging and even that is taking a toll.  I’m trying to edit my second vlog and I’m not liking it. I may need to start from scratch and redo the video part itself, but I’m feeling unmotivated and stuck.

Being stuck is not a good feeling because when you’re stuck and not doing anything about it, there’s no way to move forward. There’s no way for progression.  How can you grow if you’re at a standstill, you know?

I’m learning a lot about myself in this stay-at-home order though.  So in a way, there is individual growth. I’m learning how to be present and patient, how to slow down, how to be content and calm, how to connect with others, how to budget, how to be comfortable in my own skin, how to balance myself mentally, emotionally, and physically, and most importantly, how to love myself.  These are all things I’ve been working on and constantly reminded myself pre-covid19, but now that we’re all stuck at home, it gives me endless time to fully concentrate on creating a better version of myself.

Speaking of my mental, emotional, and physical health, there’s something kind of just plain wrong. Lately, I’ve been so exhausted that I’d need to take a morning nap just a mere few hours after waking up. It’s a bit concerning. But not too worrying.  It’s not like I feel the need to hibernate until this coronavirus comes to an end.  And to be honest, I don’t think there will ever be a definite ending to this virus. It’s always going to be around now, but it will get better, and there will be a cure, I don’t know when, but it will happen. FYI, this is just a thought. I could be wrong, and I could change my mind as time progresses.

Anyways, aside from my uncalled exhaustion, I’ve been eating a lot of yummy foods.  I really hope this isn’t the case, but being married to a chef really calls for uncertainty, I may or may not have the quarantine fifteen after coming out of this. Honestly, I hope I lose instead of gain or at least stay the same. I want to be toned more than anything coming out of this because by the time this ends, modeling, I hope, will skyrocket and I’ll be busier than ever. Let’s hope.  Gotta keep up with appearances so if modeling does pick up once the shelter in place order is released, I can jump right in and not wait until I’m toned. This is the most important part for a career in modeling, I must take care of my health and my body. And in order to take care of my body, I must care for myself mentally and spiritually.  So, in a twisted and unfortunate way, I’m grateful for this lock down.  It gives me a chance to reboot, re-energize, and refresh.

A few weeks ago, we hired movers to move some pretty hefty items from my mom’s house to our new place and boy is it nice to have an actual sofa instead of a dinky out of shape love seat. We got the piano from my childhood home too.  So not only is our movie watching more enjoyable, I have something to practice on during social isolation. Although, I only know the basics as far as piano goes, it’s good practice.  I have my Chinese books too, so I can also review everything I learned and try to self-teach myself more words and phrases . . . maybe . . . I haven’t actually touched it since I found a home for them in my new home. Aside from binge watching tv, I haven’t been doing much, but every so often I have moments like today where I would sit and write, and write, and write.  It’s not my novel, but at least it’s writing. I’m also trying to finish this book my sister let me borrow.  She read it within a single day and it’s been taking me a little longer to get into it, but I think it’s getting there.  It’s not like I don’t like it, it’s more like I’m distracted when I first start a book.  It takes me a while to get introduced to the characters. It’s kind of like dating. I don’t just go all in on the first date. Love takes time . . .  I don’t know, is that weird?  Am I the only one or does it take you at least a few chapters into the book to discover just how much you love a good read?

Anyway, that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing . . . or rather . . . trying to do. Write more, read more, vlog, blog, exercise, sit in silence, reflect more, pray more, do some soul resting activities, watch a new show with the hubs, eat yummy foods, go on walks, zone out while looking at my backyard, practice piano, take naps, stretch, challenge myself, FT with friends and family, etc. Now that I’m jotting down what I’ve been doing, I’m actually spending my time nicely, I just want to be more present doing it.

Today I’m social distancing myself from my phone to challenge myself to be in the present. I’ve noticed I’ve spent many mindless-where-did-the-time-go hours on social media and my phone.

What’s been helping you to stay present?

That’s it for now! Until Next Time, rebeccanne

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