Time and time again I’ve gotten my hopes up for the day that pain will no longer be an issue in my life. Maybe something is terribly wrong with me, fingers crossed for some mild, curable brain disease! Because at least with that… it can be fixed. A year ago, I was about 80% aware and understood that I will be in chronic pain forever. I was at a place in my life that I almost fully accepted that pain will be apart of my daily routine.
However, with just a flitter of hope, a person in my life became so sure that I had some brain problem that she was adamantly reminding me that I should get checked out. I did. Results? Nothing wrong with the brain, but you wanna know the findings?
“Here’s a picture of a normal MRI scan, see the gray that runs along in the middle of the white? That’s the spinal cord. Now, take a look at your MRI, you see the white spot that interrupts the gray from continuing to the top? That’s where your C2 is, and that is where there is residual damage.”
I knew it then, I knew it now, and I knew it when she was speaking the words out loud to me, “unfortunately, there is no cure or a reverse treatment to build up your spinal cord . . . you will be in pain for the rest of your life.” There. it. is.
“It’s a good sign you’re experiencing pain. The alternative is paraplegia. But the damage is not effecting your motor functions, which is good. You’re able to move and walk and do all kinds of things. I mean, will you be able to jump off a building and go parachuting or bungee jumping and any sort of jumping off anything high? I would highly recommend not to do so in your condition. But, you can run and do jumping jacks, I wouldn’t want to limit you any more than what you can’t handle. You’re young, I want you to live your life.”
I am, well, trying to that is.
Living my life the best way I know how.