Everything I do, I do for a reason. To reach a certain outcome. With the intention of securing my deepest desire. It’s been baby steps in the direction of where I want to be. I want to make sure I will be headed in the right direction for the present me and for the future me. I tear the thought to pieces and look at the opportunity from different angles. Different perspectives. I have the future in mind. I think and over think and contemplate and ponder some more. That’s how I handle all sorts of situations. And for large decisions I have a tendency to ask others around me. I annoy them until they give me an answer. My mind could be clouded by the excitement and biased review, so it’s a must to ask others with an objective mind. I’ve asked and so far so good.
This modeling opportunity has been on my mind ever since Monday. Signing with this agency will be a great start for me. I imagine a long hallway with many doors unlocked, swinging open as I walk past. I have the ability to grow and expand. All I need to do is take it. Be myself. Not the shy, introverted self…more of the outgoing, fun rebeccanne. This is my time to be the very best I can be and to show others I can do this. I am good enough. I have potential. I will be successful.
Things are changing. Plans are switching around. Dreams are overtaking the mind of reason. It’s scary, but how am I going to achieve my dream with fear as an obstacle. I need to . . . I want to knock the obstacle down. Be the Tasmanian devil and zoom right through it, just like the one in Looney Tunes, spiraling like a tornado, obliterating all that’s in its way. BUT! I don’t want to be destructive to myself, I yearn for the day that I’m no longer anxious or worrisome or even depressed about where I’m at in life. I want to be able to let go of the fear to be able to actually live life and feel the happiness, the energy, the positivity throughout my veins. I want everything to become second nature and do things naturally. This is something I’m personally working on, not only because of modeling, but because I want to be able to open up to the world and let myself shine. Does that make sense? I am yearning and so eager to break free from the shyness that overtakes me.
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