Ready or Not

Ready or not, here I come! 

I am not ready. And I don’t think I’ll ever be. 

Life with a little one always feels like time is slipping through my fingers. 

I’m a stay at home mom and even though I wanna pull my hair out sometimes, I thoroughly love and am so grateful I get to stay home and watch my baby girl grow. 

But no, I’m not ready for her to grow up. No, I’m not ready for the next phase. No, I’m not ready for her to challenge me at every turn.  No, I’m not ready to (fully) let her go and explore the world. No, I’m not ready for her to be so independent far too soon. 

But I have to be. 

There comes a time in every parent’s life where you have to loosen the reins and let your child fly, but I didn’t realize it would start as early as age 2. 

Structure is needed, yes. But control? 

Control goes out the window with a toddler. 

Everything becomes a battle. Everything is a test of patience. Everything turns into a life lesson. 

Everything is out of my control. 

I’m learning the hard way that I need to embrace it and accept that I’m no longer “winning”. I can’t control an outcome as much as I would like to. 

I have to let her in on the mundane tasks and control (perhaps the only thing I can control) on how I respond when things don’t go accordingly. 

I’m learning the hard way that it’s not just her that’s learning. She is my teacher too.

I am learning so much about patience and slowing down enough to enjoy the present and not worry so much about the next thing. I am learning to explore the world again through her eyes. 

I’m the type of person who likes to be in control. I wouldn’t go too far and say I’m a control-freak, but I like some kind of control. A real Type A planner if you ask my cousins. 

But that control ceases to exist with life with a toddler. 

She is like the Tasmanian devil bulldozing past all the rules I try to set in place. An energizing bunny whose favorite word is no and every simple task turns into a debate. 

My little independent spitfire who challenges me at every turn and wants to do almost everything herself except put on her socks, “mommy do it”

“Enjoy the ride, it goes by fast.” 

More like, “take a breath, you’re doing fine.” Or maybe even better than fine. 

Can you say that the next time you see a toddler parent? 

You know that saying, “if you can’t beat ‘em, join them”? Well, I need to implement more of that into my day to day life with a toddler—to an extent.

Because let’s be honest, I have to loosen my reins on control, but I still have a little human to teach. She still needs my guidance and support. She’s learning her place in the world and I have to prepare her for that. She’s a female at a time where you’d think females wouldn’t have to worry so much, but in reality, we females are still walking around with $1,000 in a clear backpack for everyone to see. The world can be cruel to females.

But she doesn’t need to know that quite yet. All I can do is be her safety net and let her explore and discover the world at her own pace. Not mine. 

I’ve already discovered it my way, now I’m just relearning to slow down and view the world through her lenses. 

So, even though I feel like I’m not ready, even though all I wanna do is hold her tight and protect her from all things, I have to learn to let go a bit and let her learn, grow, and explore. For her, I’d rather be present than scrambling to try to be ready.

❤ rebeccanne