Becoming Mother

As I weave the title “Mom” into my identity, I can’t help but reflect on a previous post about identity and purpose.

For those of you who have been with me since the beginning, you know my struggles with identity in the past. And it was only recent *ahem, last year* that I understood my role in the world and in my own life.

However, I never thought it’d be mixed up again so soon–the role of mother-to-be, and then sometime between now and ten weeks from now the role of a new mom.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified, not only of becoming a mother myself, but my place as a mom and who I am apart from motherhood. Like I am still me and I hope to never lose sight of that.

I hope I can lead by example for my daughter and show her that I’m more than just a mommy. More than just a role that society paints on mothers–to just be a mom or a mom that does everything from the stereotypical mom role of being the mom, the housekeeper, the cook, and everything in between or even the working mom while still being the mom.

I see it in my sister. When her husband is sick, he neglects everything. Dads typically do and moms always pick up the slack. Moms are superheroes. I can fully see that now. They do everything to keep their house in order while taking care of everyone else, but as a mom, who takes care of her? Not to mention my sister is a working mom at that–the main breadwinner of the family. I can’t imagine doing both, but women do it and they manage to do it so well and still be there for everyone else. My sister is amazing and she doesn’t get enough credit for it.

As for me, since work is nonexistent at this point and I navigate my new role as a mother, I feel like I could get lost in it and eventually lose myself. And I guess that’s what makes me anxious about becoming a mother. The whole aspect of that’s all I am now. A mother. No one would see the part of me that’s pursuing my dream to be a published author and even that is pushed aside as I navigate this new role and find a balance without feeling guilty of wanting to spend time away from my baby already in order to fulfill that dream.

It’s different now though, that dream has evolved. I don’t just want to be a published author because I love writing and in my gut, I know being a writer is what I am meant to be doing in life and as a career. And now, as I navigate through this journey, I want my daughter to see her mother’s strength in this pursuit–the blood, sweat, and tears going into it. Most importantly, I want her to witness my perseverance. Because at the end of it all, I want her to have the courage to persevere, even when times get tough, even when there are obstacles or inevitable surprises that delay the progress.

I believe leading a life with intention and purpose plays a huge part in a child’s upbringing. Children see everything. They watch our every move–what we say, what we do, how we approach different scenarios, how we speak to people, how we speak about people behind closed doors, and how we respond is how they learn and grow.

I think it’s important to be your own person in front of your child–having a sense of independency for the sake of one’s own mental and emotional health. I’m not talking about child neglect. I’m talking about normalizing a life beyond motherhood.

Maybe my views will change once I give birth, maybe not, but at the end of the day, I don’t want being a mother to be all-consuming. I want to be a mother who loves my child and is there for them in all ways. My purpose of life is for this little one growing inside of me. I just want to be my own person too. Not just a mother, but a mentor, a guide, a friend, and most importantly, the person I’m meant to be.

That’s all. Once again, thank you for following my world.

rebeccanne