It’s been a while and I’m just about running out of excuses. It’s time to take away the obligation and guilt of having the worst procrastination in the world of not being something or someone by now. I’m focusing on me for a change. I don’t want to spend my life proving myself to the world, showing everyone around me that I’m worth it, I’m capable, I have potential. Because you know what? I AM WORTH IT. I am and can be a million beautiful things, but most importantly, I AM IMPORTANT.
Where have I been for nearly 3 months? Um . . . where have I been for the past YEAR!?! No excuses right? This year was a battlefield. It pushed me to my limit. It tested my boundaries, my patience, my morality. What a rollercoaster of emotions, physical health, and a bundle of mental struggles. A year filled with ups and downs for sure, however, I do feel as though the negatives of life took ahold of me. Left me cold in the dark, shaken and stirred, dazed and confused on how to get passed this, to take that step forward I needed to push through and see the light. It was as if I took a million steps backward and I went from being a strong, independent woman to the depressed and anxious little girl I fought so hard to steer away from. I’m kinda starting over from square one now. Today really is a brand new day. I’m not going to let yesterday torment me for things I failed to commit to do. Things running in the back of my mind shall not haunt me from doing the things I want to do in the present. I’m taking the day as it comes. The future is out there and shall not rule over me. Literally, the best thing for me to do is commit to today and remember all my reality checks!
So, really, does anyone care for an update? Here’s my life in fast forward so you could probably imagine the rollercoaster.
Modeling has been a little stale and nonexistent for me as I focus on my health. Writing somehow was pushed aside as I dealt with all my physical, mental, and emotional states of life as I get diagnosed with something that changed my perspective on how to live my life and is a huge motivator on how to go about implementing it, which in turn made me run for the hills as I discovered the worst possible news imaginable to me that my greatest fear is running its’ course. Cervical Spine Degeneration Arthritis, um hello? That is like my worst nightmare coming to life. I mean, hearing that your bones are deteriorating is never a fun thing to learn about yourself, especially, if you’re young. Well, I’m not exactly old. This isn’t supposed to be happening . . . . at my stage in life, you know, why the f*** me? Yes, I am angry and I’m sure you can read that as I typed that last sentence up. But you know what, I’m seeing my doc tomorrow to find out what I can do. Judging from the 3 MRI’s I took in the past few weeks, I have a scar on my bone and I have residual damage from my surgeries. I can’t help but laugh, the first surgery that I thought could help me, actually made the situation worse. It’s upsetting, yes, I’ve got some mean residual anger towards it. But, deep down, below all the anger, sadness, anxiety, and depression, I know God only gives me challenges I can face and knowing He has a plan for me, no matter how difficult to understand, I have to live my life the best way I know how.
So, with my modeling career frozen for a second, I took the liberty in auditioning for Asia’s Next Top Model. It’s being filmed in Singapore next month, they are still determining the contestants, I hope I get in because what better way to help motivate people to live their life than me, a girl living in chronic pain, living her life. I like jumping into things that I think I can handle. I’ve turned the opportunity to audition down countless of time and this time, I said, “what the heck?”
&& YOU WANNA KNOW THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OR RATHER GREATEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME THIS YEAR, YET?? I’m engaged and I am to marry my best friend in October 2017!
That’s it for now! Until next time!